sum of our fluids

i thought i was done with these rants, but clearly something about porn bothers me…

2011-10-15T20:27:00.001-07:00

Experts have studied the effects of pornography, the changing climate of "violence" in pornography and the ever-eclipsing nature of titillation. Most research groups are helmed by women, the studies are of a wide-range of pornography, and the data is categorized into qualitative categories such as "degrading" or humiliating. Nearly every study I've read reveals interesting points of view, but agendas as well. I've heard arguments on every side of the pornography war and everyone is wrong and everyone is right.

Let me elaborate. The landscape of pornography is very different today than people believe it is. The majority of "mainstream" images depict women like Jenna Jameson, Sasha Grey, and Jenna Haze, polished and pretty girls who would never appear in degrading pornography. But the fact remains that a lot of pornography depicts acts that are unflattering. These remain out of the main-stream, however, but are watched a great deal. Pornography experts claim that what can be filmed has reached it's limits and new things must be invented to titillate the audience. Sociologist would have you believe that this is a reflection of what people truly want. The religious right wants to say pornography is abhorrent and corporate America wants to shield you from the fact that CBS and Telecom make BILLIONS each year off pornography. That's right. Billions.

Such evidence fractures the message. Who is right? Who do I believe? Does it belong in my home? Should a married man stop watching pornography because it "offends" his wife? Should we monetize what certain acts of sex are worth on the screen? Who is culpable for the present state of affairs in the modern culture that romanticizes and celebrates the "depravity" of human sexuality for profit.

Let me try to direct your attention to what I see as a formidable answer to almost any question of "how did this happen?" Imagine you are a 40-year old married male, two kids, a tiring job, a mortgage, and a semi-stable marriage. Not an impossible scenario in 21st century America by any stretch. Well. Except the job. Who works? The husband and wife feel estranged from one another. The kids are in high school and the husband has perhaps two hours of personal "me" time to himself each week. His escape into the world of pornography has nothing, I repeat, NOTHING to do with sexual gratification or release. It is about powerlessness. And I think I speak from an educated point of view when I say the feelings of powerlessness for a woman and very very different from those of a man's. The modern taboo of the effeminate male having to adhere to political correctness, a changing working landscape, and a media that is beyond pro-woman. There avenues of masculine escape have dwindled. Entire books have been written on this, so I don't need to repeat it all here.

So. One can argue, the male in this scenario watches images of depraved or kinky pornography as an escape and perhaps to derive some semblance of power in a life devoid of power. Still don't think I'm onto something. Okay. Allow me this analogy.

Person X is in debt for 10,000 dollars. Bills are piling up, interest rates spiral the debt further away from reality, banks suck, etc. Not an impossible scenario, correct? None of this debt is secured. It's credit cards and so on. The only thing a collection company can do is scare you with threats of a "bad credit rating." If your credit rating matters to you, this is a terrifying prospect. Powerlessness creeps in. Decision-making stems from a stressful place and Person X finds himself unable to escape this every-escalating interest-rate hell. As an adult, the power to say NO, I'm not paying this rests entire with you to say, "go screw." Find a reasonable payment structure or you're not getting anything. But this feeling of powerlessness pervades. Instead of taking control, Person X makes poor decisions to get out of debt, takes another mortgage, makes minimum payments, and so on. Now that the powerlessness is financial, we have a different perspective, but the fact remains the person in this scenario feels as though they've been rendered helpless and as such, they perhaps indulge in alcohol, abusive behavior, divorce, and so on.

Which bring us back to the hook upon which all these theories hang their proverbial hats. What are we worth? What is your body worth? Why is capitalism right? Why is the notion of a market-prices for every commodity, including the human body, not something that bio-ethicists challenge more often (maybe they do, and I just don't read enough journals from ethicists)? If all human vices are available because America is free why is prostitution still illegal? But if I film it and sell it on the internet it's not? Why is marijuana illegal unless it's to cure my poor eye-sight. Where do the spirit of the law and value of human life intersect? I think when we explore the issue of pornography in a vacuum we will always come up empty-handed in a maze of diacritic noise. But when we explore the value of human life, in every context, we can assert certain values to what we consider happiness and freedom and from there equivocate, "Those who want porn can have it. But Jenna Jameson can never appear on MTV and so on." Whatever our value on human life, the present capitalist condition of helplessness in a mire of market capital gains and keeping up with the Joneses will continue to endanger any change for a valuable discussion on the topics of why a man or a woman would ever HAVE to choose between a rewarding career and a job selling sex to people troubled enough to sit at home, watching porn as an escape from a reality, as they continue to create a divide in their own life between reality and fantasy, widening the chasm of despondency in their everyday life, and affirming their inability to develop emotional connection to the person in the other room. And when we can look across the aisle and say to our neighbor, I care. I am worried about you. You matter and I don't want you feeling alone and hopeless… when that happens… the stranglehold of capitalism will fade and the value of human life can finally be measured.

inside out

2011-09-20T23:41:00.001-07:00

outside
the world burns
engulfed in its
effluence

and inside my room
the world burns
devoid of its
impotence

outside
the world slides away
crumbled
and forgotten

and inside my head
the world slides away
something alien
and forlorn

outside
the world grinds its young
slowly
without mercy

and inside my coffin
the world grinds its young
soil turns ash
to worms

outside
the world fades
illusory smoke
and vagaries

and inside my hell
the world fades
into black and
white photos

outside
the world continues
a lumbering giant
a limb-torn tree

and inside my failure
the world continues
cloistered
and recalcitrant

outside
the world enters another age
without me
without you

and inside my crisis
the world enters another age
forgetting you
forgetting me

HP Lovecraft Film Festival

2011-08-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

Travis Heermann and I made the finals of the film festival with our script, Death Wind. Winners are announced in just two weeks.

What the what?

Very nervous are we.

this absolutely cracked me up

2011-07-08T14:32:00.001-07:00

Second Movie Script is in the Contest(s)

2011-07-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

CREATIVE WORLD AWARDS INDIVIDUAL SCORECARD

TITLE OF SCREENPLAY: Death Wind

WRITER(S): Travis Heermann and Jim Pinto

LOG LINE: When a pioneer doctor uncovers a series of bizarre murders near an Indian reservation and army post, he must confront a mysterious tribe of sub-human cannibals to save his small prairie town from the cannibals' dark god, a bloodthirsty sentient tornado.

GENRE: Horror/Thriller/Fantasy

JUDGING ROUND: Prelim

Judge's Recommendation: Consider

Computer Average of all 5 Categories: 8.44

Basics
Overall view of basics: Very Good
Level of grammatical accuracy? (1-10): 8.5
Correct format, indentions, & scene headings? (1-10) : 8.5
Overall style and depth of narrative? (1-10): 8.5
Is the genre clear? (1-10): 9
Is the writing concise, action driven, & visual? (1-10): 8.5
Average basics score: 8.60

I have not included the lengthy notes they provided, but needless to say, we did very well.

Heart of the Ronin, by Travis Heermann

2011-05-25T15:56:00.001-07:00

My writing partner in crime, Travis Heermann has published a novel set in feudal Japan.

I am just now starting to read it myself, so I can't give you any more information than, it looks awesome and I know Travis doesn't suck as a writer.

Below is both the cover and link to the book.

Link

New Script

2011-05-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

Travis and I finished a second script. We've entered it into the Story Pro contest. And we're in the quarter finals. However, I don't think that's all that hard to do. Just look at the number of scripts in the quarter finals.

Our second script is a Horror Western called Death Wind.

Link

Post 800

2011-05-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

I had something else in store for Post 800, but seriously. How can I top this.

This would be a good post to end my this blog on.

Post 799 : Vacation

2011-05-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

Yun and I took a Vacation from May 1st to May 10th. A road trip vacation. I'll be posting pictures, stories, and maps to a separate blog.

Here's the link, so enjoy.

Link

Math for Girls

2011-04-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me personally, may have heard this screed before. If so, I'm sorry. But today's post is a general guide for helping women understand why you are single and/or why you will stay that way. It's aimed at women (and not men), because culturally women are taught from a young age that "marriage is everything."

And that's just stupid.

Okay.

Women make up 52% of the population. However this percentage does not take into account the dispersion of genders of people who are "dateable." Since men die before women (thankfully), old, naggy women make up a significant portion of the population. Which means, not all women are looking for a mate. For today's discussion, and for ease of calculations, the genders are evenly split.

50/50
It comes as no surprise that the older women get, the less desireable they are to the opposite sex. If you need this explained to you, then this blog is not for you. On the other hand, the older a man gets, the more stable he becomes financially, the more mature his face grows, and even in the worst outlook, his contribution to a relationship grows on aspects that can be counted — doing the laundry and helping around the house do not have metrics. Buying power does. Note: It is well-understood that women make their own money now, but those women also SPEND that money. Hundreds of articles litter the internet about this topic. Try reading one.

60/40
Some men are gay. Some men are from poor or less respected backgrounds. Some men are crazy. Some men have social issues that make them undateable. Some men die young (in wars and so on). Some men are incarcerated. Women are pickier than men about mates, as well. Each of these attributes adds weight to my theory that there aren't enough men to go around.

70/30
Monogamy is not natural. There are no monogamous mammals. Everytime someone brings up sea-horses and lobsters, I want to stab them with a crab mallet. Wait. That's not right. Marriage is a cultural invention. It creates ridiculous expectations. When a man cheats, women go nuts. They spray paint his car. They sell his clothes. They smash his golf clubs. They drive the children into the lake. And then divorce him. This leaves the women, later in life, with fewer prospects of marriage. Moreso, a man who cheats is less likely to settle down after that.

80/20
Americans are fat and getting fatter. No one wants a heavy husband/wife. This isn't my opinion. This is how the world works. If no woman wants to date a fat man, regardless of whether or not she is alone, and no man wants to date a fat woman, that's a lot of obesity sitting home alone eating buckets of chicken.

90/10
Some men just don't want the headache that comes with marriage anymore. Fewer and fewer people get married in the 21st century. The pre- and post- costs of marriage are so ridiculous that most men are better off being single forever. From a purely economic point of view, marriage is stupid. Add in the amount of crap she "must have" at the wedding that he must pay for. Why would anyone making less than 100k a year ever pay for a wedding?

100/0
Men with day jobs, working in offices, with women, get their fill of estrogen for 9-10 hours of the work day. Coming home to more nonsense spewing from the face hole of someone with no gray matter for spatial logistics means married men have four more hours of noise coming their way. 50% of which they will never hear and/or understand. This means women who actually have mates, don't really have fulfilling relationships as the emotional/social divide between husband and wife grows.

What does this all mean?

First, here's some real numbers.

49.5% of the population of America is married (must lower than the global average). That means 50% of women are still looking for a partner (cut that number in half again to reflect age issues).

People wait to get married about the age of 27 on average and those who divorce last only 8 years together. By 35, those who are divorced are slugging it out in the same singles scene as those who no one would marry in their 20s.

Divorce increased almost 40% from 1970 to 1975, around the time of the second wave of feminism. Impossible expectations and shift in culture have made the concept of long-term partnerships unfeasible.

And unnecessary.

I'm a bigger fan of people being single, women striking out for independence, and people in general living the way they want. Stop looking for a mate, and start thinking about what you truly want.

Columbine 2 : Who Will the Media Blame Now?

2011-04-21T11:42:00.001-07:00

Actually, the title kind of says it all.

Link

Ad Hominem : A How-To Guide to Ignorance

2011-04-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

As you will see in a few posts from now, the Positionists (new phrase I'm coining) of the left and right are growing further and further apart, slipping farther and farther from logic, and growing more and more annoying by the hour. I would have once called myself a thinking liberal, but I'm clearly more and more moderate everyday.

All that prologue-ing is for my asshole friends who constantly want me to defend issues I don't even believe in, simply because they are positionists angling for a fight. Today is why you are an idiot regardless of which side of the redundancy coin you pick.

On with the show.

Ad Hominem is the concept that since I can't refute what you are saying (or don't understand what you are saying), I will simply attack you. Thus, if I prove you're an idiot, therefore your position/opinion/essay must also be stupid. It is a type of fallacy you should have learned about in logic class.

Blame a teacher.

For the right, this is a powerful tool. Getting right-wingers to hate the left is like feeding fish fish-food. So, just calling people who believe in Global Warming, shitfuck-meathead-dickweeds you've eliminated all of their arguments about carbon emissions in one swoop. There's no need to find evidence to refute global warming alarmism, because the cognitive bias of people who already hate theories from the left is already entrenched. Your work is done.

For the left, this is an alarmist tool, used to create hysteria where this is none. For instance, a left-winger concludes that eating meat is bad. The person listening to the hippie wants to know more and asks for more critical insight, because their theory is inconclusive. The vegan can then infer that this is ad hominem (which it is not), because "haters gotta hate," which is brain-damage code for "your criticism scares me and I want to go home now." The leftist authoritarian has used a contrived, but effective method of ad hominem by invoking it's name in an instance when it was not used, by claiming that the critic of their theory "smacks of ah hominem," thus using it.

Pretty sneaky sis.

And while these are big generalizations, they are not far from the reality of how we see blogos and pundits chest-pounding their way across the internet (and Fox News). What's interesting is when the sides switch tactics, which is an even more desperate ploy. And a lot fun to watch, as pedantic "warriors of the faith" attempt to use the tools of their enemies.

Sort of like a monkey trying to hot-wire a pick-up truck.

That's all for today's lesson plan. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of "Fallacies Not Forgotten." Tune in next time for, "Causation My Ass : My Job Went to India."

SNL gets funny again

2011-04-21T01:49:00.001-07:00

British Movie

I can't stop laughing.

Link

Budget Cuts, or I Know What Those Dems Did Last Summer.

2011-04-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

This one is not complicated.

Every Democrat in the House voted the new Republican budget proposal down, even if it takes 10 years to trim 6 trillion from the deficit. [Which is a joke of a budget.]

But here's the real issue.

If the House Dems voted it down, it's likely that the Senate Dems will do the same thing. And then the President will have to veto it.

How can anyone expect this to pass?

I don't believe for a second that 99% of the criminals in Congress want to fix the deficit issue. I think you'll continue to hear the deficit "topic" used as a tactic for pushing other political agendas (wars, abortion-control, anti-health care, etc) until the 2012 election.

Now, before you assume I'm taking a side on this. I'm not. I think they both suck major ass. And I've really grown to hate both parties. But sometimes the Republicans just come across as bigger douche bags. This is just neanderthal politics.

Link

Glee is Gay? Who Knew. Bret Easton Ellis Explains.

2011-04-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Superficial, I get tons of news about people and events that I wished were flushed down a toilet and into the oozing tide of the North Pacific "Great Garbage Patch." Instead, Jersey Shore continues to breed and ensemenate Teen Mom, even if the two should have been sterilized at birth.

However, without Superficial, I wouldn't be privy to such commentary as this from Bret Easton Ellis (author of Less than Zero, American Psycho).

“I like the idea of Glee but why is it that every time I watch an episode I feel like I’ve stepped into a puddle of HIV?”

Wow. Just. Wow.

Let be begin to applaud and decry this comment at the same time, in inverse order.

Let me decry it, because, well, HIV (according to South Park) is funny now because it's been long enough since it came up, but still a "go-to" remark to garner attention. Much as if I said, "Faggots watch Glee."

See what I did there?

But let me turn around and also applaud Bret Easton Ellis for saying something that people don't say anymore… what they think.

We live in a world that is slowly being crippled by the suffocating voice of political correctness. We don't use the term P.C. anymore, because everyone under the age of 25 has drank the P.C. Kool-Aid (see another euphemism that's slightly inappropriate), calling people who critique anything, "Haters."

Our soft under-belly of insecurity and flame wars has rendered our country impotent and purile. Frankly, I'm embarrassed by it all. And if Muslim had any common sense, or understood this phenomenon just a little, they would just wait out our slow, decaying, demise instead of flying planes into our buildings.

But I digress.

Glee is a shit-box of mediocrity, cloaked in superficiality and swathed in the edifice of sexuality so demonstratively inappropriate, that the metro-sexuals on the show appear macho. (Not that I've ever seen it.)

The mere utterance of its name in anything but a pejorative suggests a level of brain-damage that cannot be corrected without trepanation. Seriously. If you watch this show, go buy a drill. But use a drop-cloth, lest you spill HIV all over the carpet.

Wonder Woman Costume

2011-03-30T14:13:00.000-07:00

Oh thank god.

With so much going wrong in the world, it's good to see somethings going right.

I can't imagine how things would have turned out for this show... or really for my sanity... if the producers hadn't heard my outcry about the million voices of failed adolescence screaming "how dare you do what you want with your intellectual property!"

Nevermind that original creator of Wonder Woman was a bondage fetishist and that the mythos and costume began with big heels, a lasso, and a bustier, as a very specific attempt to put that shit into the forefront of the reader's consciousness.

Nay. It's more important that she wear breathable cotton and color-contrasting boots (god those new things are even stupider — I shouldn't have complained). It's more important that noisy kids without jobs tell TV producers what they want, because no one's taste has a more solid foundation than that of a 14-year old boy whose never seen a boob.

Fuck Japan. Fuck Libya. Fuck the economy. I live in my parent's basement. Let them worry about that. I want my superwomen to be comfortable while flying an invisible plane.

Link

Ah. Sportswriters.

2011-03-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

For the sake of your health, please do not read the link from whence this sports story took place. Only read these two paragraphs, which I've hand-selected for your dining pleasure.

So doubtful were the Rams of even making the tournament that they watched the Cartoon Network and went out for fast food instead of watching the selection show two weeks ago. Now, they’re Houston-bound after an incredible takedown of the last No. 1 seed.

“Those people (the doubters) don’t matter,” VCU coach Shaka Smart said. “The only people that matter is the 14 guys on our team, and they never stopped believing.”

Hmm. So "doubtful" that they ate junk food and watched TV. Those "doubters" don't matter. The team never stopped believing.

What am I missing here? How is it possible that a writer and an editor used the same language — dichotomously — from paragraph to paragraph, to illustrate both-sides of the same nonsense as it pertains to these juxtaposed, but analogous thoughts. In other words, WTF.

How can the team believe in something when just two weeks ago they were "doubtful?" How can the "doubters" be bad guys, when you were one of them just two weeks ago? How retarded do you have to be to talk out of your head and ass at the same time?

Jesus Christ! There is so much money in sports and sport entertainment, would it really break the bank to hire an editor? On yahoo sports? WHAT THE ****.

UPDATE: No sooner did I post this, yahoo sports updated where the link goes. And now it's to an article written by a non-ape. Sigh. The annals of the internet will miss that big dumb article.

Link

My Hyposcrisy : Two Posts in One

2011-03-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

I recently had an argument with a 'tea bagger' over the notion of patriotism. Sick of his narrow-minded 70 I.Q. points, I shouted back, "Veterans don't protect me, and they don't deserve my respect."

Now. I said this to prove a point (and also because I was angry).

America has been split into four cultural segments for a long time. The North, the South, the Midwest, and the West Coast. Somewhere in there are a few desert states (you know who you are) devoid of acculturation. And there's also Texas, which thinks itself another country.

Let them.

One could also argue that immigrants form an entire nexus of minor cultures, but most of them don't vote, and they certainly don't scream, "I'm a bigger Patriot then you."

So. This divide of culture continues to widen over the landscape of American — once a melting pot, now a pizza whose toppings never touch. The left and right have never been bigger strangers and those whose culture is going away (rural right-wingers) have run out of things to say to stem the tide of their demise against the passive aggressive acculturation of the left that is sure to bring the entire system grinding to a halt when the zombie apocalypse happens.

Now.

By saying "Veterans don't protect me." I am doing a number of things.

One. I'm pissing off the 'tea bagger' which is always worth a dollar or two.

Two. I'm making a point about how insulting it is to have someone tell me they are a bigger Patriot than I am. Oh good. You own a miniature flag. I can see now how much you love your BRAND of America. I'm mistaken. Let's hand over the reins of leadership to someone who loves America more. That's logical.

Three. I'm being ironic.

Four. I'm drawing attention to something people don't talk about anymore. Soldiers do not serve the welfare of citizens any longer. Since 1776, America has been invaded only once. The War of 1812, where the British came down and burned our capital to the ground. That's right. School books don't teach that one. Not once since, has America been attacked on our soil (I'll get to 9/11 in a minute). Even World War II started over an attack on Hawaii, which wasn't a state then and could have been avoided... historians love arguing that one.

But if you want to romanticize World War II, I'll let you have that one. America was fighting for our freedoms in 1941-1945.

And since then, which war was it that American was in to save it's people from danger. Was that the Korean civil war? Or the Indochine Civil War? Was it the Invasion of Grenada by Reagan, which was condemned by the entire world, except us? Or the invasion of Kuwait by a foreign power two continents and an ocean away.

Was there really a scare that Iraq was going to launch an attack at the U.S. from Kuwait? I'll be Saddam was a little suprised back then. Wait. Didn't you put me in power over here? What are you doing stopping me from reclaiming land that the British took from us? Wtf? (I'll bet Saddam said it just like that, too.)

Was there a fear that the massive Caribbean power of Grenada was going to hit us with there population of 100,000 people? What exactly was the Army protecting my freedoms from?

What about Vietnam? Was there a fear that once the 40+ years of civil strife ended in Vietnam that within a month they'd be point their river boats at Guam?

Where does this fear come from? Where does this indoctrination of "Military keeping me safe" stem? How do you brainwash the lower 40% of America into believing that the Polaris missile has been keeping America safe? Wouldn't being nice to other countries have the same effect? No one is trying to invade Canada? Or France? Or Mongolia. What gives?

Which brings me 9/11.

Nineteen Saudi Arabian extremists pointed planes at America and scared the fuck out of us for nearly 10 years. I don't know what their demands were. Never heard those. Never saw their manifesto. Not even sure 100% (I'm about 90% sure) that the people they claim did this, actually did this. And the dead aren't talking.

If this was an "attack" and not just angry extremists (cf terrorists) then you did not protect me and you did not keep me free. America is less free than ever. Fear is at an all-time high. Radicalism is spreading to every corner of this country. And the moderates are tired of you wind-bagged jackassery.

If this wasn't an attack and just cranky blowhards with an axe to grind (mixed metaphors anyone?), then all of the safeguards placed on me to protect me now, don't really make a lot of sense. In which case, you're not protecting me, my freedoms aren't protected, and I'm you're still a jackass.

Now. I get it. The mere presence of an Army is a deterrent to invasion. America has a lot of stuff and some people might want that stuff. I get that too. And certainly I have more respect for Veterans than just about any other aspect of American life. I actually do.

But what I resent is being told I must respect Veterans, I must support the troops, and I must acknowledge they are bigger patriots than I am because they served.

Get off your fucking high-horse and listen up. I'm going to use small words so you can follow along.

One. You don't tell me who to respect and who not to respect. I choose to respect you until you don't deserve me my respect any longer.

Two. What the fuck does "support the troops" even mean? I pay taxes. Those taxes pay their salary and buy them delicious snacks.

Three. Being a jackass and being a stubborn rhetorician doesn't make you a patriot. Loving the America you have, regardless of what's wrong with it, would make you a patriot. But trying to change it to match your idealize notions of the past… well, makes you kind of a retard.

Oh. And for the record, asshole. My Uncle was a Spy for the Allies during WWII. He was captured by Nazi sympathizers, thrown off a cliff and his back was broken. He spent nearly 50 years in a wheelchair and never walked again. When he died on September 26, 1995, he claimed the right to be called the longest-living American in a wheelchair. He served his country. He never complained. And he was a fucking patriot.

End of sermon.

Marry Russian Women for Fun and Travel

2011-03-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm married now, the internet still loves to tell me I need a better penis and a Russian bride. In fact, with so many e-mail addresses (I need help), I see about 10-20 images a day of women who "want man to make marry happy." And of course, since I'm a male, I still look, because 1 in 2 Russian chicks are hot.

But.

I'm a little confused on this one.

What is this woman trying to say about herself?

What is so interesting about this map of the Western Hemisphere (where she's apparently never visited, seeing as how she's pointing to Brazil)?

What makes this Russian woman that bride that I should marry over all others?

Hmm....

Thinking....

Thinking....

Wait. What is she smuggling in her blouse? Can anyone make it out?

Looking for Web Person

2011-03-04T14:08:00.001-08:00

Looking for Web Person to work on project(s) together. Includes gaming and non-gaming related projects.

Contact me if you're interested.

Chevron Loses Lawsuit

2011-02-23T22:43:00.001-08:00

And if I'm reading this news correctly, it only took 18 years for the case to finally close.

Shit. She could have gone to law school six times while Chevron's bullies pushed this case off.

Ha. Suck it Chevron.

Link

Men and Women

2011-02-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

Why men and women do not understand one another.

Okay. Let’s move passed the concept of blame or name-calling. Women love thinking they are smarter than men and men love pointing out every ill-logical short-coming of women. Let’s agree that some men and some women are douchebags. The more we tend to live in the cities, the more douchebaggery we are going to see.

Okay?

Good.

Now the problems between men and women start at a very young age. Boys and girls by the age of 5 already know the opposite sex is an alien creature. We don’t view playtime the same way. Our interactions are completely different. And we have different things that we talk about.

Then puberty comes. Boys start to notice girls. Girls start to wear make-up and trendy clothes in order to attract boys. Girls start to develop complex interactivity, learned through interacting with other girls. Not with boys. Boys live simple lives when together, but start to learn the hard way that you can’t just ask girls for what you want. You have to dance around things and never say what you mean. This technique is refined from ages 12 to 17 in a vain attempt to get into a girl’s pants.

Then boys and girls go to college. Girls start to develop their intellect and spend less time resisting men’s advances, i.e. they experiment sexually. Men start to realize that there are “new techniques” for getting into a girl’s pants. Men must then unlearn what they have spent their teen years learning and now learn new ways of “getting to know you.”

Then college ends. Women enter the workforce. Due to a lack of math skills, women come to understand that they are paid 78% of what a man is paid. They do not understand why and proceed to spend 22% of their work time complaining about how they are paid less than a man.

Sorry. Had to sneak that in.

Then college ends. Women and men enter the workforce. Women set new goals. Womens’ focus changes yet again on career, family, reality TV, and shopping with their new-found financial independence. Men, until the age of about 28, maintain the same goal of getting into women’s pants.

But, now the socialization that existed in college is gone. Flirting at work is not acceptable. Trying to meet someone of the opposite sex grows more difficult. Work occupies over 1/3rd of their lives. Men relearn (yet again) how to get with women, learning more efficient ways to get into a woman’s pants. Women start to believe (incorrectly) that one of these “pants encounters” will lead to love, marriage, and other goals.

Somewhere in their late 20s, some women trick men into marriage. Others grow more and more restless that they will never find a mate. Women grow bitter about men. They stop letting men into their pants. They grow older and their options begin to wane. By the age of 30, they are either married or on the cusp of becoming emotionally violent.

In their 30s, women go through the second most radical emotional changes of their lives. They start to realize that all that crap from age 12-29 was empty and unimportant. They set new goals again. Their self-confidence dips a little, however, when new 22-year olds enter the work force and they don’t receive the attention in the workplace they once did, but they focus not on their looks now, but on their personality and what they can offer emotionally to a relationship.

Men must once again re-learn how to talk to women.

However, this is where everything goes wrong.

After the age of 28, men’s brains stop growing. The chemistry that has caused development and change since puberty finally stops. This causes certain (other) developmental processes to halt. The majority of men lack the initiative or drive to learn a new way to communicate with women. The “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it” axiom takes hold in every aspect of their lives. If they haven’t learned to wash a dish by now, it’s never going to happen.

Women, unaware of this transformation, continue to develop more elaborate and contrived methods of their “subtle” communication. Men are oblivious. It’s not that men are stupid. They just don’t care. Women, unable to believe that men can be as simple as an on/off switch, continue to battle this lack of emotional and intellectual development. The hardest years of marriage (for those who made it that far) happen and many people separate or go in opposite directions.

That is until their 40s, when women will make the most important and drastic emotional changes in their lives.

Some women will be divorced with old children by now. Some will be relatively new mothers. Some will believe (wrongly) that they could wait until 42 to make a kid. All of them will come to realize, “Crap. We don’t need men at all.” Sadly, this brain matter will be in constant conflict for the next 10 years with their hormonal centers as womens' biology tricks them into being the horniest they will ever be.

Needs of nurturing and feeling nurtured abound, clashing with sexual cravings. Women’s biological needs spin out of control, while men’s are cooling off. By 40, men no longer want it 50 times a day and the chase of finding a woman slows. Ironically, finding a great woman is now easier than ever, however men still think like 28-year olds when women were demonstratively more difficult to “woo.” Men, stuck forever in the past, believe women want one thing when clearly they want another. Only men who remain married until 50 will actually learn all of this. The rest become fodder.

By the time women reach 50, they are done with men. They have finally learned what this “hobby” thing is that men have had all their lives. They spend less time at home and more time engaged in some kind of "craft." They have solid jobs, solid routines, and a solid sense of themselves. Those that are married consider divorce, even if only for a short period, but decide against it because it’s just too much damn work.

As the years roll on, men’s testosterone levels dip and women become (comparatively) bigger naggers then they ever have in their lives. Justifiably, men die early.

Women spend the remaining 4 to 20 years, without a partner, collecting [nic-nack name here], and pursuing things that make they happy, finally realizing it doesn’t take a man to do that.

In the end, the Western world continues to churn out thousands and thousands of failed relationships every year in a vain attempt to understand what I just explained in 1,100 words.

Unemployed 'To Do' List

2011-01-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

Jim Rome is a little bitch

2011-01-13T22:11:00.000-08:00

Anyone remember when Jim Rome had a normal speaking voice before he developed that "long hallow noise" inside his mouth to try to confer same bass? But it just ended up sounding fake and plastic like the little bitch that Jim Rome really is?

Personally, I think he's one of the biggest losers in the utterly pointless world of sports yammering. But, even if I didn't think he was worthless, I would have to ask, "How this guy has a job in broadcasting is anyone's guess?"

For the uneducated, your voice is projected from your diaphragm and throat. You can train both of these for broadcasting. If you want to learn. Anyone in radio has to do this if they want to get commercial work. And certainly, anyone who screams knows how to project.

But Jim Rome hallows his mouth like he's sucking a **** to try and sound like a man.

I know it's completely irrelevant to the rest of the posts I do on here, but I just heard him talking again. And I just thought, "How hilarious is this guy?"

Q&A : British Women

2011-01-11T15:25:00.000-08:00

If I ever got famous for anything and someone interviewed me for their magazine, here's my response to this question.

Q: What word comes to mind when you think of British women?
A: Sloppy. And I should probably explain what I mean by that, huh?

Q: Please.
A: While women in California love to get stupid, sick sloppy drunk, California is a place devoid of culture, class, or self-respect. The world capital of entertainment is filled with Lohans and Hiltons who beg to be f**ked over by the media. So, you'd think the crown of sloppiness would go to women like that. But there's a big difference between Los Angeles and London. London used to be a place of culture, brimming with the aristocracy that comes with being the mecca of the English language. But the tabloids of London show with startling reflection just how far Brits have fallen. And Drunken female celebs stumbling from clubs, into waiting cars, where they can flash their dirty knickers before driving off are leading the charge for sloppy celebrity context. We don't expect much from future coroner-occupant Lindsey Lohan. But we do expect more from the future queen of England (bad teeth and all).

That's all I'm saying on that.

Fuck this Planet, Part 2

2011-01-11T12:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry.

I guess I didn't shout loud enough last time.

Here you go. You can shout this time.

Oh. And fuck your planet.

Link

Gunman is a Pussy

2011-01-10T04:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Jared Loughner,

Dude. Look. If you're going to shoot a congresswoman and five innocent bystanders, at least have the balls to stand up for your principles. Admit you did it. Accept your fate. And don't seek out a lawyer to "defend" and rationalize your actions.

Your actions were a defense of your principles. If you defend you actions, you betray your principles.

Seriously. Don't be a pussy.

P.S. If you have somehow forgotten what you did, there's a link below to your request for a lawyer. Fag.

Link

Darfur Part 2 : The Quickening

2011-01-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

If you love celebrities as "Elder" diplomats as much as I do, then you've been trying your best to ignore George Clooney, while still researching the present plight of Sudan, which in two days votes to determine if the country should remain unified.

With the obvious assumption that war will break out if Sudan is split in two, people clamor for the international community to intercede. The same international community that determined that

Sudanese military leader, Al-Bashir was the first ever head of state to be indicted by the ICC for genocide
To issue a warrant for his arrest to the same country he controls

Yet, sudanactionnow.org is asking everyone to assuage their leaders to join the debate (well the side they want you to be on) and help Sudan avoid another war. While a noble goal, the site assumes

I am against a country having self-determinism
I think anyone can help stop senseless butchery in Eastern Africa

When we speak of feeling helpless in the modern world, this is what we are talking about. Omar Al-Bashir is obviously a fuckwad. You could poll 100 people anywhere in the world (who know who he is) and no one would come back with, "He's a complex dictator. You just don't understand him." His immediate death/exile would immediately make the world a better place. This is not a complex diplomatic area. In addition, the very people who spent two years determining if he was indeed guilty of war crimes, did nothing more than send a "sharply worded letter." Just what do they expect the UN and ICC to do about Al-Bashir this time?

Why don't we send over Jared Lee Loughner (the man who shot those people in Arizone this past week) and tell him it's a health care issue that needs to be addressed in the Sudan? There is time for action and a time for rhetoric. And the present "activist" calling out for support believe that asking rhetorical committees to commit to action (see what I did there?) will somehow lead to a favorable outcome.

I don't have an ending with any kind of flourish, so please enjoy this piece of pie.

Leaving for a Week...

2011-01-05T03:50:00.000-08:00

Here's something funny to occupy your time.

Assimilation or Bust

2011-01-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

I tend to follow immigration law issues pretty closely. And not because I'm a "Hot Air"-reader who hates brown people. But because of the sociological implications involved with culture clash, poverty, and the rampant causality that leads to immigration in the first place.

In the past I've made mention of the fact that America rarely inherits the best other countries have to offer. With 5/6ths of the planet living in abject poverty and devoid of education, the majority of people entering our country (legally or otherwise) offer nothing more than "another warm body" to exploit by the work force.

Now states like Arizona, which are notorious for their violations of civil rights (one local sheriff wanted to put up road blocks and check the identification of every citizen driving through his county, regardless of the fact that this violates about 5 of the 10 original bill of rights), want to not only exodus everyone who doesn't "look like the constituents who vote" but also take away (or never bestow) the rights of the 14th Amendment, which grants citizenship to anyone born here, regardless of their parents' lineage.

Liberal thinkers believe that these issues of anti-immigration are short-sighted and don't follow the historic context of "Irish" and "Italian" immigrants who came before. They want to point good-feelings, progressive rights, and other acts of government that supersede the will of the people — think for a moment how many people 50 years later still reject the ERA movement and the Civil Rights act because they were "forced" to treat darkies nice.

Add to it (the perception) that when Irish and Italian immigrants came to America they shared a skin-tone with the people who already lived here and assimilated into some if not all of the populace. Moreover, Italian inventors actually improved the quality of life in America instead of merely picking our grapes and tomatoes. And they did it without a lot of the calamity that the media seems to fixate on today. From an historical context, Americans just didn't have the issues with white immigrants that they now have with Hispanic ones.

But comments like that are typically deemed racist. It's offensive to even admit that cultures around the world (in every nation) prefer light skin to dark skin. Every nation, every where. We don't say it, because it's offensive to bring it up. But it's the truth. And sociology and cultural geography cannot advance or even champion causes without growing up, addressing this phenomenon, and accepting that it's part of the human condition to see dark-skin as worse than light-skin.

These anti-immigration laws aren't unique to the U.S. either. France, Germany, and the UK are all suffering from immigration problems. Holland is so mired in Arab acculturation issues, revealing their difficulty when it comes to prosecuting Muslims who kill in the name of Sharia-laws.

There's nothing new going on here. Banner-painting liberals want to take to the streets and say this is a horrible injustice. Podium-pounding conservatives want to scream "what about the children." Moderates just want to keep their head down and go to work and hope it goes away. But we all know that if the economy was good and people had cars and vacations spilling out of their purses, no one would give a crap. It's not as though the issues (in the States at least) are over religion.

State budgets are hemorrhaging money. 10% of Americans are out of work. Hope and Change didn't do a damn thing. And the people who robbed our coffers in 2008 have yet to be dragged into the streets, strung up, and set ablaze. Our passive aggressive culture only allows one outcome from the simmering rage we are all suffering at the moment — take it out on someone else.

I wonder if there's another example in the 20th century of humans turning on each other when things go tough? Hmm. That's a thinker.

Thanks to Stacey for today's link.

Link

As a side note, I want to point out how ironic it is that the country of Mexico (presently) has a lower unemployment rate than the state of California. And a more balanced budget. Yet people continue to come here looking for work.

The Amazing Race

2010-12-27T03:33:00.000-08:00

I hate reality TV.

Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. I hate reality TV as much as I hate Sarah Palin, people who shoot abortion doctors, and people who watch beheading videos on the internet.

Do you understand?

But I love anything involving trips around the world and visiting exotic cultures. And even though the Amazing Race has gotten steadily worse over the years, I cannot stop watching the videos I have illegally downloaded (only seasons 1 and 7 are available on DVD).

Okay. All the introductions out of the way? Here's what I drives me nuts about the people who try out — AND MAKE IT — onto this show.

People who can't learn any other words of any kind in Chinese, Hindi, Spanish, German, or French (the most popular languages in the world).

People who can't formulate a sentence in English let alone any of the languages I just mentioned.

People who can't read a map or compass.

People who can't drive a stick.

People who can't be polite when visiting someone else's country. I want to see the Russian version of this show, where comrades shove Americans around and yell at white cab drivers.

People who don't stop and ask for directions.

People who carry 70 pound backpacks and then try to run everywhere. Hilarious.

Drama queens.

People scared of heights or water.

People who think Latin America is a country.

People who can't wait their turn in line.

Not to forget that bitch with the midget that was on TWO seasons of the show. I just wanted her to die every time she opened that cancer-ridden mouth of hers. Ick.

ASIDE: No two-woman team has ever won the amazing race (two teams have come close in 17 seasons). For obvious reasons, women have trouble with the physical tasks and the directions/map-reading. But in order to FORCE a victory, season 17 of the show has FOUR two-woman teams. FOUR! Why not just give them all trophies like the Special Olympics. That way no more women get their feelings hurt about not being able to travel alone around the world. Lame.

I Call Bullshit

2010-12-25T22:49:00.000-08:00

Women should stop writing articles telling people how men think and what it is that men want. The fact that I asked for it means it won't happen. Like asking a feminist to shut up and make my lunch. It'll never happen. But it would serve as a better use of her time for all involved.

And would spare the world her stilted preaching. But, I would have to eat her cooking. Hmm. That's a thinker.

Link

The Greatest, Most Inappropriate Screen Capture of All Time

2010-12-22T01:29:00.000-08:00

From Season 8 of the Amazing Race.

This is the end of episode one, where the Black Family (that's their last name) is eliminated from the race.

Unfortunate Ad Timing

2010-12-14T22:49:00.001-08:00

SIssy Men

2010-12-14T12:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Conservative

The is the real enemy of your philosophy is feminism, not Liberalism. The fact remains that for the last 100 years, all American government has been within the same 4% band of Liberalism that the left labels as Fascism on one side, and the conservatives label Socialism on the other. Just buzz words devoid of value. The real truth is that the modern movement to "androgynize" Americans is the biggest threat to our liberties.

Feminism is about group-think and control. Socially engineering "feelings" and the amount of time the media spends on "gossip" are indicative of the Murdoch's of the world trying to make everyone more docile.

You want intellectualism to start bending toward to your idealism? Better make sure some intellectualism remains to do just that.

The biggest threat to libertarian ideals will be soft, unfocused, role-less Americans, mired by indecision and their own lack of purpose. Without analysis or the inability to make quick decisions, each of us threatens our own quality of life by becoming a microcosm of bureaucracy.

I rant about this a lot (probably because I hate feminism so much), but this link got me going. Also, check out Adam Carolla's new book, In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks.

Link

Link

Fuck this Planet

2010-12-10T04:10:00.000-08:00

When you hear that I have killed 50 people before taking my own life, please know it was because I read shit like this.

Link

Fuck anyone that believes in god, because he is clearly dead. Fuck anyone that thinks this needs to go to trial, because these people need to let the mob deal with this. Fuck anyone that would dare touch a child or sell their own sister.

Fuck this planet.

Fuck. 4am I got to read this shit.

Update Link

Greatest Site in the World

2010-12-05T01:04:00.001-08:00

Fuck Maddox, this site trumps them all.

Link

Nancy Grace

2010-11-30T02:25:00.001-08:00

Seriously. How do we flush this turd of a human being?

I apologize for the poop analogy two posts in a row, but I really wanted to say something much worse.

The Final Nail in Obama's Coffin

2010-11-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

As the spirally turd of American politics continues it's descent clockwise, one might imagine the retarded notion that taxing the middle class and freezing government pay increases (which are typically 1.9%, well below the inflation) might kill the approval rating of America's worst public image machine. Or that 14 democratic leaders in the south have fled to the GOP because of mis-management and poor leadership might give us pause to question the logic and integrity of a system rife with so much corruption, you can't see your shoes, the drain water is so muddy.

And while that, compounded with 22 months of compromise, right-wing schilling, and the appearance of intellectuality (whether he did anything or not), cannot compete with this little number.

Link

The administration that claimed transparency in government is now trying to distract the voters with a scapegoating maneuver that's just inane. This requires the White House to either create laws (something the executive branch cannot do), or enact the will of the Patriot Act, something Obama profaned.

I know this will slip under most people's radars as the blog machine fails to connect these dots, except on pundit driven wires like "Hot Air." But, this galls me as the biggest of hypocritical moves. Rising taxes amongst the middle class is pretty lame considering the HOPE and CHANGE angle. But nothing upsets me like people trying to limit free speech.

You don't want your dirty laundry aired, stop putting it in electronic format. Or stopping being a douche.

Cyber-Bully

2010-11-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

Cyber-Bullying is a new fad term describing people that go online and harass other people. It is, in my opinion, another arm of the politically correct political action force that is dominating social issues and language in this country. When you choose to make words (and not deeds) criminal, you're one step away from a lot of bigger issues —

Ladies and Gentlemen…

2010-11-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

Your future Queen of the Commonwealth. Just imagine Regina giving us a panty shot. That's right. I've got you imagining it now.

A Personal Post : On Why

2010-11-13T16:16:00.000-08:00

I turned 40 this year.

I'm more than half-way done with my life.

By some measures, I've accomplished quite a bit. But other measures, not really so much at all. Making games doesn't really end suffering and no one ever made a statue for someone who had good intentions. At the end of the day, I'm a pretty hard judge of myself (and others) and that leads to a lot of "measurables."

One. I don't really get along with, nor enjoy the company of women. For that matter, men who are pussies. As such, before I met my present wife (who can kick all your asses), I was pretty sure I would never settle down with a woman again. And I certainly wouldn't be settling down or spending time with men who have sand in their vaginas.

Two. I call people on their shit, including women. People don't seem to like this. Wastrel lives filled with irresponsibility and a lack of accountability seem to be the hallmark (not only of my hobby, but) of the 21st century. Feelings have replaced logic and few people seem to conduct themselves with class or even a knowing regard of "work ethics."

I can't really support this. As such, I feel like being without friends is the "cost of doing business."

Three. I'm not apologizing here. I'm just sort of letting the pen take me where it wants to go.

Four. Sometime this year, I just stopped giving a shit about anything. I can't even believe I bothered to get up to vote. No one was elected that I voted into office and none of the measures I wanted to see pass/fail, failed/passed. I kinda see this as symbolic of my life. If you want to make sure a team doesn't win the world series, ask me to rout for them. The same goes for making sure a show gets canceled, or in the case of Scrubs, for all the characters to grow vaginas.

Five. With a handful of exceptions, if I don't initiate contact (via phone or e-mail), the majority of people I have called associates/friends do not contact you. This probably has a lot to do with item number two. But perhaps item number one has some bearing.

Six. People with children suck. I cannot now, nor will I ever be able to maintain a friendship with you. Your family and chatter about your family trump everything. I'm not interested in another excuse as to why you can't make it for waffles. Go fuck off.

Seven. Television programs started finally getting interesting. Just in time for me to not give a shit. Awesome.

Eight. The people I miss most in my life will never know it. The people I could do without seem to find a way to annoy me.

Nine. I am unforgiving SOB. Which, when mixed with several other items on this list explains why, A. I am friendless and B. why people continue to disappoint.

Ten. People continue to disappoint.

Eleven. Finding happiness has nothing to do with any of this shit, but it doesn't help that it's in the way, either.

Twelve. I reserve the right to add to this screed later.

Chinese Build Hotel in Six Days

2010-11-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

I quit.

It's okay if you want to quit as well.

Seriously.

We just can't match this.

Link

Human Grace

2010-11-04T22:57:00.000-07:00

Link

List : Top 10 Mustaches

2010-11-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

I was going to do a top 10 mustache list today, but while looking for a picture of Tom Sellack, who would have made #6 on my list, is found this site.

Link

And his list is better than mine ever could be with Mario, Gene Shalt, and Wooly Willy.

He did forget to include Rollie Fingers, who would have been my #1.

Wisdom from Carlin

2010-10-24T23:18:00.001-07:00

Shit We Don't Need : Weddings

2010-10-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

I woman-bash a lot on here and rather than apologize or explain, I'm just going to keep doing it. Among the stupider things I run into on a daily basis is the thought processes of a hormone-enriched super-bitch. These women believe they have everything coming to them, that marriages are fairy tales (or worse contracts to see what they can get out of them), and the final nail of their debouched morality is the belief that a wedding day is "the greatest day of their life."

I'm not going to delve into just how moronic it is to measure anything as the "greatest" day of your life, or the stupidity one must amass to think that any single day in the long continuum of your life must somehow be "perfect" or it's ruined. The U.S. is filled with ridiculous reality shows that reveal just how selfish women in this country have become when it comes to "their day."

ASIDE: Ever notice men could give a f**k less about it?

The true "value" of the wedding industry's cancer is the staggering value of weddings over the last five years. As you can see from this chart, the amount spent has gone down since the trigger of our economic turmoil…

Year	Market Value
2005	$58,983,500,000
2006	$60,698,000,000
2007	$62,808,152,000
2008	$47,118,240,000
2009	$42,138,312,000

…nonetheless, at over 2 million weddings a year, that's about $20,000 per wedding being spent… the price of a nice car, or a great down payment on a house.

To spend this kind of money on a party that will result in about $5,000 worth of gifts from friends and relatives you don't know and like… this is what Vegas Casinos call, a "Fool's Bet."

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your floral arrangement today.

[For the record, my wedding was $300, plus about $1000 more for the flight, room, food, and entertainment while we were in Vegas. We were gone for two days and really should have just done a Justice of the Peace thing here in L.A. But, our engagement lasted all of two weeks, so it was nice to just get that out of the way. Should we ever get divorced, that will actually cost less than the wedding, because neither one of us is worth anything.]

Shit We Don't Need : Parenting Groups

2010-10-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm going to make this short and simple. If we shave the edges off the world and make them child-proof, what exactly would these people do with their spare time? What crusades would they take up? If plastic swing sets become vogue and Miley Cyrus videos are smoked out and driven from the village, what next?

I think what I want to see from the world of "progressives" is a mission statement telling me everything they want. Believe it or not, PETA has a list of it's demands. A complete list, so you know just how unbalanced they are. And I think that's commendable.

When parenting groups finally get their hands on a dirty bomb and hold the world hostage until their demands are met, I'd like to know everything they are going to ask for so we can start baby-proofing the planet for them.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your progeny kit today.

Today's Companion reading is an old post of mine about Columbine.

Link

America's Billionaires

2010-10-10T16:13:00.001-07:00

Young, but still white.

Link

Shit We Don't Need : Video Games Into Movies

2010-10-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

Does this one need explanation? We live in the age of dwindling resources, dwindling prospects, and dwindling movie plots. Can someone tell me why the script of Prince of Persia was so bad, when the video game story was one of the best ever?

Why even buy the franchise if you're not going to use the I.P. you've purchased.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your adapter today.

Interesting Titanic News

2010-09-22T23:59:00.001-07:00

Really.

Link

Sober

2010-08-28T14:53:00.001-07:00

Enjoy the top 60 worst nations in the world... and with less than 200 countries in the world, this represents the bottom 1/3rd.

Globalization and errant medicine... we love you.

Link

Cat Marinade

2010-08-12T22:20:00.001-07:00

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-marinating-cat,0,1444252.storyThe best part of the story…

…the cops let him go.

New York's Finest

Link

Motivational Posters

2010-07-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

My Nephew Turns 4

2010-07-01T01:14:00.000-07:00

…and makes faces.

BP Collector Set

2010-06-19T00:19:00.001-07:00

…or what I think passes for humor.

BP Oil Spill

2010-06-08T01:52:00.000-07:00

Just think... how cool would it be to use this spill as a way of wiping out problem cities, instead of waterways and natural habitats.

Link

I've gotten kind of tired about chiming in on stuff like this. But, this spill seems like one of those things that you can't be "neutral" about. [Although, the fact that it's happening in the south — a region of America usually ignorant of environmental issues — is a little ironic.]

When Toyota cars led to the deaths of people, the Japanese president of the company accepted blame, and possibly even faces criminal charges. Do you think the CEO or chiefs of BP will be as forthright? or manly? In the age of irresponsibility, this situations will most likely end with the engineers all point fingers at one another.... if it ever ends.

I did have a chuckle that this guy, though, trying to make this about average citizens. Classic "pro-big business" rhetoric. Alexandria Paul tried something similar too, but made it about our poor choices as consumers.

Ha. Really? I think everyone wants us off the oil tit, Ms. Paul. But energy infrastructure is a component of government. If the government wanted a solar nation, we'd be solar already. But we'd rather sink billions into health care.

Anyway.

Here's my two cents on the spill. If you care. If you're still reading.

The government gave away rights to a corporation to drill in the GULF. That government did this without the consent of the people. The charter for that corporation to function in the US is given by the government as well, but a mandate from the attorney general can take that charter away (but don't worry that never happens). An alarmist way of saying this, is that the oil has been plundered without the consent of the citizenry, who must live there and deal with this.

In this example, said corporation believes it has every right to the oil under the GULF, but feels no responsibility to fix the spill or pay for clean-up. After all, it isn't their wildlife and habitat being ruined. It's not their backyard. We seen this before. It's not a new stance on oil or mining rights or anything related to capitalistic ventures. This is actually a callous, but logical response for a corporation to have. We aren't allowed to pretend that we're shocked.

From their perspective, they were granted a leasing rights to the oil (or whatever agreement they conjectured with the corrupt politicians of district XYZ). In their minds, it's the government's job to clean it up. And the government, slow as ever to deal with any environmental crisis in the south (duh… rich white people don't live there), wrings it hands and points fingers that the corporation should be fixing this. After all, our government stopped knowing how to fix anything around 1952.

With the exception of losing all that oil, what incentive does BP have to fix it? They certainly don't live there and have no immediate need to rectify the situation. They can stall all they want, with every tactic known to man. At the end of the day, it costs them money to repair it and fix the overall situation. What corporation would feel obligated to move quickly in such a situation? And so long as citizens want to point fingers at the corporation, the government can jump on that band wagon too, instead of rushing to action to fix this problem.

This allows the government to appear incensed by the situation, while still not having to do anything or spend any money. Pretty cool hat trick, huh?

All the while, the oil slick gets bigger, the catastrophe (I don't think disaster is a big enough word) expands to include more of the gulf, more wildlife, and the general attitude "I'm one citizen, what can I do to fix it?" widens, insuring that all of us feel more and more helpless in our daily lives when it comes to making anything in this country better.

And at the end of the day, both the government and the corporation are strengthened by our feelings of helplessness. For both of them, the longer this spill goes on, the more entrenched in bad feelings we as citizens become, becoming further despondent over our country's lack of resolve, honesty, temerity, and dare I say... valor.

And so here's the kicker (as I see it). We already, all of us as Americans, see the state of our country as pretty bleak. The economy is in shambles. Education is a bad joke. The culture has been ravaged by reality shows and poor parenting. The moral right constantly reminds the world what a horrible place America is. We elected a black president because we were so afraid of the other guy and now we stand on the precipice of environment calamity so vast, that we as Americans can't even grok it. We are one step away from losing all our faith in the American dream and then this happens.

One hapless, ignorant, self-important corporation ignores the crisis for 50 days and only after a month of hand-wringing does the President actually start using "tough language."

Republicans love to talk about how great the "old presidents" were. And in an instance like this, I'm likely to agree with them. Instead of a leader who gets on the phone and says, "this is fixed by Friday, or your ass in a sling," we have a President who is a veteran of the pussy-generation of Americans who wants to sit down and "hash it out" with the same self-important assclowns who donated millions of dollars to the war-chest of Obama's opponent two years ago.

Mr. Obama. It's not a matter of whose "ass you should kick," but rather whose "fucking skull you're going to crush." This is not a time for soft speech, mollycoddling, and other political correct tactics that your party is so enamored with. This is one of those situations where if Dick Cheney were President (and he gave a crap about the oil spill — a big if) he'd be calling for more than just "heads to roll" and "asses to kick." He'd be calling someone a mother fucker and he'd be pointing at somebody in congress to get the fuck out of his face about it, too.

For the record, I love planet earth. I love the water, the trees, the air, the animals. I love everything but the people. I really do wish this 30+ million gallons of oil were seeping up out of the Los Angeles basin and killing hundreds of thousands of humans instead of hundreds of thousands of animals. But it's not. It's ravaging the planet in a way my mind just can't wrap it's head around anymore.

The government and the corporation have finally driven me to the point where I don't care. I don't care. And I can't care anymore about this sort of thing. I'm just tired of caring at all what you do to the planet I used to love.

Think of this as the US canceling my favorite show on TV. And I'm just going to cancel my cable. I've grown cynical and tired in the last couple years. Obama has proven ineffectual, boring, and another example of "too good to be true." BP has proven "business as usual."

Oh.

One final note. Not sure if you realize this, but BP is the 4th largest company in the world (number 1 being Royal Dutch Shell, another UK-based energy company). I think they make enough money to prove the existence of a baby Jesus (and in lieu of that inventing one), before then making him cry.

List : Top 10 Metal Songs

2010-06-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

This list is more than just "metal" songs, but the songs that most personify the sound of metal. Not just as I see it, I think, but as how the genre was defined while I was growing up listening to this stuff. Or maybe, it's just my jaded point of view on music with balls.

This certainly isn't my list of favorite songs, but rather a list of "hardest" songs. Insert teenage giggle.

Top 10 20 Metal Songs
20. Back in Black (AC/DC)
19. Hall of the Mountain King (Savatage)
18. Curse of the Pharoahs (Mercyful Fate)
16. Detroit Rock City (Kiss)
16. Far Beyond the Sun (Yngwie Malmsteen)
15. War Pigs (Black Sabbath)
14. Can't Get Enough (Scorpions)
13. Merciful Fate (King Diamond)
12. Headhunter (Krokus)
11. Heaven and Hell (Black Sabbath)
10. Holy Diver (Dio)
9. Crusader (Saxon)
8. Beyond the Realms of Death (Judas Priest)
7. The Zoo (Scorpions)
6. Ace of Spades (Motörhead)
5. Holy Wars... The Punishment Due (Megadeth)
4. Painkiller (Judas Priest)
3. Master of Puppets (Metallica)
2. Hallowed Be Thy Name (Iron Maiden)
1. Raining Blood (Slayer)

There are some favorites I've kept from the list, but since I've already done my favorite 10 songs in so many different ways already, I think I need to stop doing music lists and do something new.

Shit We Don't Need : This Guy

2010-06-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your season pass today.

Ezra Pound's Thoughts on Money

2010-05-31T18:15:00.001-07:00

And why capitalism is dying.

Link

Ronnie James Dio passes away

2010-05-17T08:35:00.001-07:00

Damn

No news yet about the cause. But he was fighting stomach cancer.

Frank Frazetta Passes Away

2010-05-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

You may not be a huge fan, but you have to admire what he did for 20th century illustration.

Thanks for everything, Frank.

Link

Ludacris Lyrics

2010-05-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am not a RAP fan. Repeat. I don't like Rap.

I get why it is popular. It is not for me.

Public Enemy rocked the house in the day. And "whose house? run's house!" is always fun at parties.

But rap is not for me.

However, Ludacris is a brilliant writer. And not to mention, a pretty cool guy from what I can tell.

The other day, I heard this one blarring out of a stereo… it's apparently from a song called Stand Up (when I move you move — that one)… and a had a good old laugh at one small portion of the lyrics. Let's take a look.

My people outside and they can't get in
We gon' rush the back door and break em in
The owner already pissed cause we sorta late
But our time and our clothes gotta coordinate

I especially love that last line: But our time and our clothes, gotta coodinate.

It's something like a triple entendre. Let me explain.

First off, he's making fun of men who take too long to dress. That's a no-brainer.
Secondly, he's found a lyrical and poetic way of describing "fashionably late." In my opinion, the most brilliant part of this lyric.
Finally, he's deconstructing the club culture and bringing to focus the ridiculousness of these events and the posse needing to "be there" in a coordinated manner.

It's possible he's not doing that last thing, but if he isn't, than he is ironically.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, should make you smile.

The State of Journalism

2010-05-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

Probably not a NEW news item (since it's a xmas theme), but talk about a lame topic to spend TWO MINUTES of air time on, and to spent that much time writing and re-enacting.

Inane.

Link

Our Earth

2010-04-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

You know the one I mean. The one where people don't already know this stuff.

rural japan

2010-04-26T03:09:00.001-07:00

My friend Sean has been living in rural Japan for about three years now. And he has one of the best webblog concepts there is — the existential weather report. Check it out, if you like.

Link

Dog Models

2010-04-13T18:04:00.001-07:00

There is nothing left for mankind to pervert.

Link

List : Top 10 Worst Rockfest Ideas

2010-04-11T01:26:00.000-07:00

I was laughing with the wife the other day. Asking, what's the worst three hair bands that could play together in one show. Below is the list (as I remember it), of the worst trios that could ever "rock" the stage together (in the order listed).

The only rule was the we couldn't use Poison, Warrant, or Winger. Those were obvious "wins."

You have been warned. Please. No encores.

Top 10 Worst Rockfest Ideas
10. Faster Pussycat, Vixen, Lita Ford
9. Damn Yankees, Saigon Kick, Scorpions
8. Hanoi Rocks, Firehouse, Dokken
7. Steel Panthers, Twisted Sister, K.I.S.S.
6. Extreme, Slaughter, Def Lepard
5. White Lion, Whitesnake, W.A.S.P
4. Night Ranger, L.A. Guns, Motley Crue
3. Great White, Stryper, Ratt
2. Mr. Big, Europe, Bon Jovi
1. Cinderella, Skid Row, Quiet Riot

* Heart's later work would make for an interesting line up at #10, but they fail the glam rock litmus test.
** Alice Cooper would have made a nice addition to #8, but the idea was to create really, really bad combos. Alice might not be that bad after the other two.

Shit We Don't Need : Lies About How Capitalism Works

2010-04-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

I have to say, I'm really tired of the lack of math skills that most neo-classical economist possess. Anyone that tells you that a FREE MARKET solves everything is someone that doesn't really get it. Now, I could go on and on about this one, but I'm going to save this rant for another time.

This is generally a topic about STUFF we don't need. And capitalism is just another theory, like any -ism. And people that marry themselves to any -ism are sure to try to sell you on their fractured values, because they hate to drink Kool-Aid alone.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your dunce cap today.

Shit We Don't Need : These Lame Ass Ads

2010-04-09T23:37:00.000-07:00

What the hell is going on here? Really? Select a state to get your speeding ticket in? Seriously?

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your hotlink today.

List : Top 10 Shit We Don't Need

2010-04-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

Some of these are so inane, I just can't be bothered to write about them.

Here we go.

Top 10 Shit We Don't Need (any more of)
10. Social networking sites
9. SEO advice
8. Viral marketing
7. Mash-up videos
6. Coffee shops
5. $5 Pizzas
4. Reality shows
3. Judd Apatow movies
2. Messenger bags
1. Ironic t-shirts

Shit We Don't Need : Hair Dryers

2010-04-07T01:11:00.000-07:00

Does this one need explanation? We live in the age of dwindling resources. Global warming will dry your hair just fine, idiot.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your adapter today.

Shit We Don't Need : More People

2010-04-06T01:03:00.000-07:00

Of course you saw this coming.

No rant on this. Just some resources for you to check out.

http://www.overpopulation.org/
http://www.cosmosmith.com/human_population_crisis.htm
http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/campaigns/overpopulation/index.html
http://www.populationconnection.org/
http://www.overpopulation.org/older.html

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your harpoon today.

Shit We Don't Need : Public Sponsered Sports Arenas

2010-04-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

This is probably a different caliber of rant. So, I'll let the title speak for itself.

Sport Teams are privately owned. Stadiums should be a cost for the owners of these teams. You don't get to DEMAND a city make you a new one, asshat.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your jersey today.

Shit We Don't Need : Women's Magazines

2010-04-04T01:09:00.000-07:00

In addition to make-up, shoes, haircuts, and handbags, womens' magazines rank as the lamest, most unimportant thing we produce.

First off, let's just hit our check list of shit, right off.

Women consumer more "products" and "byproducts" then men. They shop more, they buy smaller things, and they look for bargains to squeeze more out of a dollar.

This means:
• more manufacturing and production
• more packaging
• more transportation of goods
• more useless salespeople
• more electricity use in more stores selling more useless crap
• more landfill space for the scraps

Every make-up case is plastic and semi-toxic dyes that make it into a landfill. Every pair of shoes on sale has plastic by-products in it. Every hand-bag is another $100-$3000 that could have been used for something good.

But the vanguard award for queen of the SHIT WE DON'T NEED is the woman's magazine. Allure, Cosmo, Elle, Glamour, and even the f***ing Oprah magazine are laden with tips on how women can be more and more self-involved and esteem-driven in the quest to rape mother earth of every last natural resource in a vain attempt to "look pretty" and feel good doing it.

And this thought process has infected men's magazines. Details stopped being straight about 10 years ago, thanks to the Metrosexual movement which certainly got it's roots in some feminine-idealist rag like Vogue.

Why does one gender require a magazine that tells them how to be what they are? Explain this. Explain to me why none of the tips in Cosmo about "what men want" is actually ever accurate.

Explain to me why millions of trees are killed and pulped to print SHIT like this on it.

My god, the aesthetic alone hurts my eyes, not to mention the nonsense printed on the page. When did adult women become little middle-school gadabouts who put collages all over their mirrors and lockers. This layout looks like it was pasted together by a retard using non-toxic glue, safety scissors, and an LSD flashback. Come to think of it, that's unfair to retards, who would certainly have been more creative than this.

Explain to me why anyone would give a shit about why celebrity X looks better in a dress than celebrity Y. Who the f*** cares? Which of these scags looks better in her whore dress?

Is it the she-slut in picture one with herpes? Or maybe the addle-minded slut in picture two with the lack of self-worth? Do you think the 12 IQ slut in picture three makes the scene in this "slap me across the nose with your turgid cock" black dress? Or will slutbag #4 win your hearts with this show-stopping menagerie of cum stains and lighter fluid.

I'm sorry, though. This was a trick question. The hottest chick in these is the now past-her-prime, can't-get-work, brain-dead-troll, has-been-slut in picture #5.

Just look at how she clones the very looks of her predecessors in every way. Why, if it weren't for Cosmo, she wouldn't have known HOW TO LOOK HER SLUTTIEST and you the reader of Cosmo, wouldn't know that FIVE SCAGS of the caliber could all look so dumpy and shitty at the same time.

Congratulations on your purchase of this fine magazine that you didn't need. Way to improve the planet, jackass.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your inoculation today.

Shit We Don't Need : Ebay

2010-04-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

'nuff said.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your personalized website today.

Shit We Don't Need : Toys for Children

2010-04-02T01:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to rant in some ludite fashion about how modern toys rob children of creativity. Everyone knows they do and that's why they market/sell/buy them. They want the next generation of children to be dependent upon someone else for creative ideas and entertainment, ensuring a healthy consumer for decades to come.

Everyone knows this. It's a no-brainer.

What I want to mock is just the sheer volume of crap people buy for their kids. Let me elucidate.

Many of my dumber friends have made children. Apparently they are too stupid to figure out how to wear a condom and/or take the same pill everyday. Nonetheless, I won't judge them for their lack of education, I'll just mock them publicly on here.

Now. These dumb friends have parents, friends, relatives, and so on, who go out and buy random nonsense shit for the kids — meh... the list of nonsense kids toys is so immense, I can't even be bothered to slap together a three-tiered rant about it. Just visit the home of one of your dumber friends and take a look at their "family room," which is code for stockpile of shit they didn't need.

Among the detritus of broken toys, headless dolls, dirty socks, dominoes, rubbery spiders, and cereal box surprises is a plethora of shattered imaginations, unfulfilling activities, and aborted plans. And this, dear reader, is why.

• a modern child is raised on television
• and immediate satisfaction trips to the toy store
• he/she is a lump of undeveloped cells
• and has the attention span of two hummingbirds try to score a quickie
• he/she has only two hands and no concept of space/time

All of this leads to the inevitable conclusion:

A child can only play with ONE thing at a time. But, they can leave a trail of toy carnage as long and wide as you the parent allow. The inevitable equation is

Let C = the number of children
Let X = the number of toys
Let ^ = to the power symbol, because that's what it is

C^X = MESSY HOME

I've seen kids have fun with a shoe box, a pile of pennies, a dead lizard, a dead worm, a dog, a cat, a dead fish, a box of crayons, and even two hot wheels. But I've never seen a child play with Thomas the Train for more than 2 minutes before getting board and playing with the empty box it was shipped in.

Want to see that equation again?

Help keep China's economy from engulfing the planet. Stop buying Toys. Stop buying the shit that you don't need. One Kid. One Toy. That's all I ask.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your collectible pog today.

Shit We Don't Need : $1 Burgers

2010-04-01T00:56:00.000-07:00

I know the economy has hit us hard, but aren't we fat enough? What the f**k do we really think is inside a $1 Burger that might be good for us? Or satisfying? Or even necessary?

I'm not really going to talk about this one too long, because it's just so lame. If it has nearly 1,000 calories, but only costs 20 nickels it probably isn't good for you. If it costs less than a head of lettuce, it's probably not good for you. And if stop buying vegetables because they are so expensive because all of your food income is looked up in buying the KFC 16-pack chicken barrel on thursday nights for $8.88, it's probably not good for you.

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your class ring today.

Shit We Don't Need : Antibacterial Soap

2010-03-31T00:56:00.000-07:00

Okay. We are all aware of the inherent dangers with this soap. It has alcohol and sometimes other chemicals that outright kill bacteria... if left on the hand for two minutes. However, when it's not, all it does is kill a few good bacteria, and help the rest grow resistant to the the anti-bacterial soap.

Now. How bacteria grows resistant to alcohol is work I'd rather leave to a chemist, but since I don't know the full ramifications and long-term effects of anti-bacterial soap, I don't want in my house. To make matters worse, it's ubiquitous. Even my gym has it outside the bathroom.

Look. People. Sweat is pretty close to sterile. In fact, depending on the gland, it is sterile. Urine is also sterile. Want to wash your hands? Try peeing on them. It also kills foot fungus.

But to make the marketing behemoth that is anti-bacterial soap even stronger, they've decided that we're really stupid and have invented a new "auto-dispenser" for your counter-top, so icky germs don't stay on the manual dispenser top.

Are you f**king kidding me?

Really? Bacteria living on top of the dispenser? Do you live in a swamp? Is the lip wrapped in human skin? or rotting meat? How exactly are these bacteria surviving and won't they die once I get the f***ing soap on my hand ANYWAY!!!

Your product is good enough to kill 99.99% of all germs, but not the germs that I might get touching the top of the f***ing dispenser? Is your f***ing brain made of cheese? Christ on a cracker this has got to be part of the new wave of stupid I've been reading so much about on my favorite blog.

Oh wait. That's my blog.

And look everyone. It runs on batteries. So you can churn through those faster, too. Nothing fills a healthy landfill faster than toxic ni-cad AA batteries for my anti-bacterial soap. Wouldn't want to get germs on my hands, but toxic ground-water and mercury leaching into the soil… that's fine for me.

Send me two dozen!

Call your congressmen. Complain to your neighbor. And tell Lysol™, that "you don't need this shit."

Add it to the growing list of SHIT WE DON'T NEED and order your bumper sticker today.

Shit We Don't Need : Introduction

2010-03-31T00:40:00.000-07:00

Over the coming days and weeks, I will be posting a series of rants/screeds about Shit We Don't Need. As a minimalist and a collector, I am constantly at odds with my own poor purchasing habits. But for the most part, movies, books, and games seem to be the only things that make their way into my home... that and my wife's shoes, but that's another rant for another time.

This over-consumption nonsense that has been dominating American culture for the past decade sees no end in sight. We still get sucked in buying shit we don't need, voting for assholes we don't want, and getting health care we never asked for. In light of this, and the hundred of so documentaries that I've watched in the last few months, a new theory of mine is rising the surface.

And rather than start a new blog about shit we don't need, I'd rather just do a short series on here and get it out of my system. So. For the next 10-1000 posts, please give me a little room to complain about some of the stupid ass, inane, brainless, consumerist bullshit that we all encounter.

Thanks.

List : Top 10 Science Fiction

2010-03-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

I have a strong hate of genre writing. Most science fiction and fantasy are tired cliches of tired cliches. The stories and plots are never riveting and the characters are dull, lifeless caricatures from some tired Joseph Campbell essay. Those that aren't, are dry and boring, filled with nonsense speak, dumb aliens, bad dialog, and horrible special effects.

Below is my attempt to make an interesting list of what I like and hate in the science fiction genre. The list probably won't surprise you.

NOTE: I have not seen Moon, yet. I'm sure it will make my list once I do. Pandorum should get an honorable mention.

Top 10 Science Fiction Films
10. The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
9. Day Watch (or maybe Highlander)
8. Road Warrior
7. District 9
6. 28 Days Later
5. Cube
4. Equilibrium
3. The Road
2. V for Vendetta
1. Children of Men

Top 10 Worst Science Fiction Films
10. Total Recall
9. Terminator Salvation
8. Time Cop
7. Demolition Man
6. Babylon A.D.
5. Roland Emmerich Anything (especially Independence Day)
4. Star Trek V
3. Firely anything
2. Star Wars, Episode 3 (from there, it's an obvious list)
1. Transformers 2

Top 10 Guilty Pleasures
10. Steel Dawn
9. Predator
8. Species
7. I am Legend
6. Nemesis
5. Planet of the Apes
4. The Last Starfighter
3. The Rocketeer
2. Escape from New York
1. Back to the Future Series

i had another one in me

2010-03-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

crawling from the wreckage of this postpartum inception

why can't i
pull myself

out

from under
the weight
of this
nostalgia
pinning me
to memories
of debris
i do not decry

walls
mires
glass smiles
secured
and brazen
crushing the wisdom
from my debauched
singularity
i am alone
in this
theatre

there is no place left
to ground
barren
ash
broken earth
for miles
in every direction
of this
dilapidated nightmare

fuel for the damned

why can't i pull myself
from the
black cancer
center
birthing place
of the rotted
ingested
fallow
memories

mercurial
and small
a faint promise
of liquor
and happiness
surrounding
a bed of
sacchrine lies
and half-eaten
truths

but i am
remiss

where are my
manners
my platitudes
my aborted
reason

it was here
with the debris
and the dust
and the decay
that languid
hallow
memories
obscure

Random Site of the Day

2010-03-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

Link

Lame New Blog

2010-03-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

I started yet another blog a while ago, but I posted a bunch of ideas quickly and then soon after stopped adding to the site.

I'm going to try and be more diligent about posting to it, but I can't guarantee anything.

It's about all the lame ideas that make it into our fun.

I hope you enjoy the light-hearted manner in which it is intended.

If not, you suck.

Link

The Song of Sparrows

2010-03-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

I am not making this up. The following is the marketing text for a movie that Netflix thinks I might like.

In this well-crafted Iranian drama, a broken hearing aid and a wayward bird become catalysts for a career change and sudden prosperity, as well as an ethical and spiritual quandary, for ostrich wrangler Karim (Reza Naji). Fired from his ranch job after one of his charges escapes, Karim sets off to get his daughter's hearing aid fixed in Tehran, where he's mistaken for a motorcycle cabbie -- and soon his fares and travels begin to warp his values.

I'm going to open my next thought with…

DUDE!

Really?

I understand that there's a strong desire to make unique films. I get that. But, I don't see a plot here, just a general overview written from someone who showed up late, left early, and fell asleep a couple of times during his/her review.

This doesn't even pass for an outline of a review.

What did I just read?

March 19 Concert : Fates Warning

2010-03-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

No funny stories like last time. However, this was a seminal concert in many ways.

1. First time I've been able to get tickets to a Fates Warning show.
2. VIP Seating is couches... "sit anywhere you like, sir."
3. No merchandise for sale at the show, whatsoever.
4. First opening band was really good (Final Gravity).
5. Second opening band was a cross between White Lion and LA Guns, with another fat and balding guitar player. What's going on? (Don't know the band name)
6. 20-Anniversary tour of Fates Warning Album Parallels, featuring the 1990 line up. Frank Arseti shreds.
7. Met these two cool guys that flew all the way from Minneapolis to see the band. They were prepared to go to Greece.
8. Wife didn't know which band was headlining until the music started... even then she thought it was Redemption. Talk about your surprises. Best husband ever.

Funny post concert story. We're in the $20 parking area, about to pull out. Three nerds are standing against the railing, along the sidewalk, talking to one another. A woman who was easily a 10.5 on the hotness scale walks past and smiles at them. She's wearing a sweater dress. Classy, but still letting everyone know that she's sexier, smokier, lovelier than two bags of fried bacon. The nerds say something which I can't make out. The girl smiles and keeps walking. The nerds look at each other with all the subtlety of "dear god in heaven what did we just see?" when the tallest in the group performs the world's first-ever, "quintuple check" nearly snapping his neck off, and GAWKING at the hottie walking away from anywhere of 15 to 30 seconds.

It was, without hyperbole, a scene straight out of a John Hughes film, if John Hughes ever cast Monica Belluci.

And it would not be remiss to say this girl was hotter than Belluci.

wait... wait... wait....

2010-03-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

i call shenanigans

how can an amish nazi give birth to a jewish kid?

judaism passes through the mother

how old is her son?

did she convert to judaism too and then to white power, leaving the kid's religion in her wake?

when did the kid convert?

this makes so little sense, my eyes hurt, even when i stop looking at her

Link

March 18 Concert : Bad Religion

2010-03-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

I saw Bad Religion at the House of Blues in Anaheim tonight. I'm not sure why the band continues to patronize the House of Blues franchise, but I'm tired of going there to see one of my favorite bands. The venue sucks (Downtown Disney) and the interior is cramped and inhospitable. Like watching a movie inside a damp prison with no seats and everyone is shoulder to shoulder and taller than me.

What the hell?

I'd be all too happy to see the House of Blues slide into the ocean. But I digress.

The point of today's "rant" is more about the two opening acts — the first was Extracted (I think) and the second was D.I. (short for dinosaur island, I kid you not). In the world of punk rock, I listen to about 5–10 bands, tops. Of those, none of them sound like the Clash, or Exploited, or Ramones, or Sex Pistols, or any of the tired clichés of the genre. Certainly none of them sound like the lazy noise of American Hardcore. Yet. Bands like the Extracted continue to create music that sounds just like punk did in 1982 when it was on it's way out. I'm not sure what their point was, but they missed it.

The funny thing about the band, however, was their stage presence. Let's break it out down.

Singer. No personality. No front man skills. No banter. No enunciation. No voice.
Rhythm Guitar Player. Replaceable guy from your wood-shop class. You know the one I mean.
Bass Player. Seriously thought it was a girl for a long time.
Drummer. Among the funniest members of the band. He sat up at his drum set very high, making it look as though he were an adult at a little kid's drum set.
Lead Guitar Player. Where do I start? 20 years old the rest of the band members. Balding. Fat. Ugly. Too good at guitar for that crappy band. And finally, he had the first ever bald-spot mohawk. You have to see it to believe it.

The opening song they played was called "So Sick of You." What a great way to introduce yourself to the audience. Are you kidding me?

After about 10 songs too many, they left and after 30 minutes of equipment changing hands, D.I. took the stage.

Now. In order to describe this band, imagine a D&D gaming group that still gets together once a month, but really doesn't play D&D anymore. That was D.I. Four old men, with nothing in common anymore, and no real love of what they were doing (except the Bass Player of course, who still brings his dice to every game, even though he knows it's never going to happen). Again, the lead singer had no banter, the guitar player was devoid of personality, and the drummer... well.... last time the drummer was TOO BIG for his drum set. Now imagine someone sitting too far away from his drum set, balding, and every once in a while hitting himself in the head (intentionally) with a drum stick.

Okay?

Good. That's Dinosaur Juinor.

Enjoy.

By 940pm, Bad Religion finally took the stage, playing a nearly 90-minute set of songs from their 30-year career, spanning nearly every album (except the two they always ignore at shows). They mostly played old stuff, but made sure to get in their five "radio friendly" platitudes. Man, could I do without those.

The last great song in the set was Generator (before the encore was filled with songs I don't really like), which might be the best performance of that song I've ever seen them do. Aces. They played four songs off of No Control, and a lot of songs of Suffer as well.

If you don't like Bad Religion none of that makes sense.

Just know that the point of this post was to make fun of the Lead Guitar Player for Extracted… or whatever they are called.

Now go to bed.

Best One Yet

2010-03-09T17:13:00.000-08:00

Okay

I quit

Boner Passed Away

2010-02-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

But the greatness of the Superficial blog continues to live on.

Link

You've Been AvaTARD

2010-02-21T18:20:00.000-08:00

From my good friend Jonathan Hunt who insisted I include his website(s) along with his self-portrait.

http://huntillustration.com/
http://huntillustration.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/huntillustration

I just gets better

2010-02-04T00:19:00.001-08:00

I have got to stop posting these.

More Need for Context

2010-01-29T22:18:00.000-08:00

It's just getting dumber.

Dancing girls need cheaper auto insurance.

Dogs with their head out the window, do too.

Jogging women need mortgage rates.

Shocked women are going back to school.

And silhouettes of men in suits are hola-hooping your mortgage payment… or something…

Just like you always thought they would.

New Spam Letter

2010-01-29T04:04:00.000-08:00

It's not everyday I get contacted by survivors from the Ivory Coast's civil war, but this African scam letter is so awesome... I had to share. Note. These "Ivoirians" don't even know how to spell their own nationality. Awesome.

Dearest One

I know this mail may come to you as a surprise,since we have not known or written before. I am Charles Toure, 25 years old, I am contacting you on behalf of myself and my younger Sister Elisberth. We are an orphans. Nationality: Ivoirians. Our late Father Mr Lawrence Toure was a successful business-man whom before his untimely death , was a Cocoa and Diamond Merchant based here in Abidjan, Cote d'lvoire.Both our Father and Mother were poisoned at a party organised by one of his business associates. Before he died in a private hospital here, my Father called me and told me that he deposited the sum of US$12.5m (Twelve Million Five Hundred Thousand American Dollars), in a Security Company here which he used my name as next of kin to deposit the funds as the only Son.

Due to the problem that have arised in our family between my late Father's brothers over who should control his wealth and subsquent death in the family, I have decided with my younger Brother to move the Money overseas for future investment after we finish our education.
We want to leave here and come over to your country to live and continue our studies, because our lives is no longer safe here. We have heard from a reliable source that they are planing on how to retrieve all the documents concerning the funds from us, so that they can claim the funds.

Before contacting you, we have spoken with the manager of the security company and worked out modalities on how to transfer the trunk box to your country.

Please, we humbly seek your assistance in the following ways:
1- To assist us in moveing this fund quietly into your your country.
2- To serve as the guardian of this funds
3- To make arrangement for me and my younger sister to come over to your country to further our education and to help us secure a residential permit in your country. Moreover, we are willing to offer you any agreed (percentage) out of the total funds as compensation for your efforts/input after the successful moveing of the funds into your nominated account overseas, while some percentage will be set aside to offset any expenses we may incur.
4- Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting us as we believe that this transaction would be concluded within the shortest possible time.

NB: Please, if you are interested to help us,contact me immediately after you read this proposal so that us may give you moredetailed information how this how the box will be retrived out.

However, I wish to hear from you to know your decision concerning this proposal.
Please reply very urgent.
Mr Charles Toure
TEL.+22996810093

iFRANCE.com - Email Gratuit

iFRANCE.com - Email Gratuit

it's been a while

2010-01-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

Something I found in a backpack, I wrote years ago. I think there are some missing pages from my notes. This doesn't make a lot of sense. [I tried editing it a little. Maybe this should stay buried in my backpack.]

Look a puppy…

whatever for

orphan poetry
written for mute children
signaling an end
to lines
outside a circle
like fingers tied
with twine
and false aspirations
somewhere
their dreams
of unison
lie deaf
like swimmer's ear
a cursed heritage
cursed inheritance
boiling away
skin
and DNA

thoughtless
improbable
dogma

rhythms of childhood
they'd sooner forget
sooner
redeemed
for amnesia
and drunken ignorance

piles of broken glass

watching the landscape
from a speeding
train
a passage to
nothing
blurring the present
until everything
is placid
and gray
evaporating
like a dot on the horizon
numbs toes
and dull ideas

starving for
more
of anything

anything
to cure
the hollow
the empty
insufferable space
where nothing
adds to
butchery
and senseless
stricture

even art must die
so we
can be reminded
of sorrow
lest
we grow
callous
and old
and
mute

Context Please?!?!

2010-01-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

If you spend any time at all on the internet, you've seen this new ad circulating around…

What's going on here? Can someone explain to me what any of these things have to do with one another? When did Obama ask moms to go back to school? When did mom get a beard? Why is she shirtless?

The "Cougar" Syndrome

2010-01-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know the actually date that MILFS and COUGARS became so trendy, but I'd like to at least address some fundamental flaws in the idea that "only now do men want older women."

For starters, let's put aside my resentment for missing out on an older woman thing when I was 19. I was young and foolish. I found her super hot and I wanted to make it work. But I was in college and worried about what people would think. I never called her.

I suck.

That said, every boy from the jerking age of 13 thinks about nothing but sex. And sex with older women occupies 15-30% of that brainspace dedicated to sex, math, and sex. All young boys want to have sex with one of their teachers — in college, high school, middle school — sex with their mom's friends, sex with the neighbor, and sex with the mail-woman regardless of how ugly or hot she is.

Take this young man for instance. Link

There is no magical formula that was just invented in the last 10 years that all of a sudden makes cougars hot. Maybe they look HOTTER now then they used to, but the urge to do them has never changed. Hell, I'm almost 40 and I'd do one now… so long as she treats me like I'm 16 and has all her teeth.

Anyway. I know it's more socially "acceptable" now, but that's just MTV bullshit, that's not the real world. Ask anyone in their 30s or 40s, if they ever wanted to get it on with an older woman 20 years ago. And then explain to me why Mrs. Robinson, Kay Parker, and Sophia Loren all had prominence in the 70s and 80s, despite this nonchalant, almost blase memory for how it "used to be."

Biologically, men should be boning women seven years older than them, minimum. And when they reach 40, they should be stinkfisting women half their age. Women should fuck whomever they want at any age and trendy MTV, people, tabloid nonsense should just go the way of the dinosaur.

Seriously. Lame.

Oh. And that chick on Jersey Shore should be ground into dogfood. Totally unrelated, but I just remembered it.

List : Top 10 Hot Topics

2010-01-11T20:26:00.000-08:00

I was laughing to myself today thinking about all the things we're NOT supposed to talk about, and how often I talk about them. I could care less about someone's sensibilities and trigger topics. So I thought today's list should be MY IMPRESSION of what people consider HOT TOPICS, not necessarily my hot topics (although those are below too), as well as some nerdy lists to boot.

Top 10 Hot Topics that Drive People Nuts
10. The Environment
9. Taxes
8. Immigration
7. Abused children
6. Violence on television
5. Gun rights
4. Women's right
3. Poltics
2. Abortion
1. god (your version of him, anyway)

Top 10 Hot Topics for Gamers
10. MMOs
9. Hayden Christiansen as Anakin
8. Wolverine anything
7. The Best Transformer comic
6. Thundercats
5. Perfectly quoting Princess Bride, Monty Python, and Rocky Horror.
4. Lord of the Rings movie not being 100% like the book
3. Star Wars vs. Star Trek
2. Picard vs. Kirk
1. PC vs. Mac

Top 10 Hot Topics that make me want to buy lots of hammers
10. Anything related to sports
9. Bloated government
8. FCC Censorship
7. Nitrogen-based fertilizers
6. Over-parenting
5. HMOs
4. The pussification of the American male
3. Human trafficking
2. Environment
1. Population growth

Top 10 Hot Topics that make me laugh
10. Anything related to sports
9. Worker's rights
8. Gun laws (it's easier to get a gun illegally)
7. Pollution
6. Greed
5. People who rank 'want' higher than 'need'
4. People who rank 'feelings' higher than 'facts'
3. Porn
2. Miniature dogs (not really a hot topic, but man are they lame)
1. Anyone who complains about Obama

EDIT: Fixed hire. Should not write while stoned.

Goodly Package Make Better Fun Go Now!

2009-12-24T16:48:00.000-08:00

If you don't believe me, it says right there that it's FULLY WONDERFUL.

Link

Random Site of the Day

2009-12-09T06:56:00.001-08:00

For about the past three months, I've had my home page set to random. Which means everytime I open a new firefox window, or restart the program, I get a new random page to look at. During that time, I've mostly seen travel and real estate pages. Although a few hobby/enthusiast pages have come up, as well as one straight porn site, and three gay porn sites (all in one day). I also get a lot of dead yahoo groups, some wikipedia pages (got Karl Rove once), business interlink pages, and pumpkin carving festival.

Today's stuck me as kind of funny. And I'm not even sure it's the funniest ever, but here it is anyway…

The Alan Rickman fan page.

Link